– Mike’s been waiting for this day. Mike’s been waiting for this moment. – So he can finally put a
sentence together, that’s why. – [All] Oh! – He goes to school, I’m
putting my backpack on. – Fire in the hole! (gun shot rings)
(beep) – [Mike] Please, please, similar to that clogged toilet upstairs,
you’re full of (beep). – [All] Oh! – [Pauly] Bye paradise. – [Deena] I loved the dinner last night. – [Ronnie] Mike did too, three meals. – [Mike] Wait a second.
(Ronnie laughs) – Okay, but that’s okay
cause Ronnie right now wants to stop at the gift
shop and get a bumper sticker that says, “I love to
cheat on my baby moms.” – [All] Oh!
– Oh (beep). – What the (beep).
– God damn. – What the (beep) that one in the chamber. – The only thing I seen
you do good in this house is destroy toilets and
destroy relationships. – [All] Oh!
– [Pauly] Damn! – The whole vacation, Ronnie
had no idea why I was calling fusillis because your life
is spiraling out of control. – [All] Oh! – Fusilli pasta is like very
inconsistent and squiggly, not like a straight line,
similar to Ronnie’s life. I told you, don’t come for me. – Oh (beep). – Better say that in jail
when you drop the soap. – [All] Oh! – Another drop the soap, too.
– Holy (beep). – Mike got love handles
now (beep) (mumbles). – Oh my God. – They’re taking it below the belt. – Excuse me, do you have any tissues? – [Guys] Oh! – He cries a lot. – [Guys] Oh! – I’m just like holy (beep). – I don’t know if we can
take this roast on the yacht. I wanna get this all out now before somebody throws each other over. – Hey, buddy.
– That’s not bad. – [Angelina] That’s the hottest outfit I’ve ever seen you wear. – Hey, buddy.
– This is not bad. – No, that’s not bad. Mike look’s ridiculous,
he looks like 1970s Miami. That’s how bad this outfit is. You look like Nick Lachey in like 2001. – I mean, it’s like Backstreet Boys 1999. – He looks like a gay farmer. ♪ Oh, la, la, oh, oh, la, la ♪
(laughs) – What do you think, what do you think? It’s ugly, all right, I’ma get outta here. – He look like if like Mark Wahlberg starred in Brokeback Mountain. (laughs) – Yo, this is why I can show you guys and you can tell me, okay. I’m changing. – Today is the day that
we are all gonna meet wonderful, Mr. 24. I used to be crazy at 24
years old, so I don’t know how this guy cannot be like
how we were in our early 20s, but let’s just see. He’s only had three years
of drinking legally. Look at our lives, we’re like drunk messes and this kid’s only been allowed
to drink for three years. – And Jenni’s been legally able to drink for like 35 years.
(laughs) – That’s what I’m saying,
how does this happen? It’s crazy. – Oh (beep). This is the ghost of dirty
little hamsters past. Yo, who sent you, yo? (laughs) – [Pauly] Mike saw a ghost
when he answered the door. – Dirty little hamster. – Never seen Mike so pale in my life. – Wait, y’all did this? – [Ronnie] Mic drop. – Do you still think I’m
a dirty little hamster? – No, not at all, I didn’t
even know you were alive. – [All] Oh! – (beep) you.
(laughs) Oh my God.
– Um, hello. – Damn, you’re (beep) tan, Ron. – Thank you. – Okay, all I have to say is,
what in dirty little hamster is happening here?
(laughs) – I can also call you Popeye
on crack if I wanted to. – All right, all right, all right. – [Pauly, Ronnie, Vinny] Oh! – [Mike] Let’s get past this. I think I won this roast,
let’s get past this. – I mean, it’s been (beep) eight years. – [Mike] It’s eight
years later, how are you? Eight years later, how are you? – How are you?
– Told you he’s nice now. – And don’t (beep) with me
or else I’m gonna cut your hair while you’re sleeping. – Damn. – So Ron was complaining
about sharing a room with me for snoring. Guess who snores now? – [All] Oh! – [Pauly] You been holding that one in. – Mike, you’ve been snoring
for six houses straight. Half the time I thought you were dying. – Well tables have turned because
now it looks like you are. – [All] Oh! – Oh, oh, oh, oh! – Yo, Mike is coming out
swinging, what is happening. – He’s got some ammunition. – [Deena] Yeah, coming out fucking hot. – Yo, he’s been waiting
for the perfect moment. – That’s what happens when
you don’t talk for six years. – [All] Oh! – [Pauly] Mike, I know you
got another one loaded up. – You are fake news. – Wait, what does fake news mean? – That means whatever comes
out of your mouth is suspect. – [All] Oh! – I’m done, drop the mic, I’m done. – Wait, wait, wait, are
you talking about suspect? It takes a suspect to
know a suspect, huh Mike? – [All] Oh! – [Pauly] You got another one. – I got one in the chamber. – [All] Oh! – If you have ever seen Ronald’s license where it says class, it says none. – [All] Oh! – Yo, when you look at Mike’s passport, oh that’s right you can’t,
cause he doesn’t have one. – [All] Oh! – (beep) – Right, am I wrong, right? Think so, I don’t know. I pay my taxes, I
wouldn’t know, I’m sorry. – All I gotta say that is–
– Wait, wait. – Ron, stop.
– [All] Oh! – Mic drop, mic drop, mic drop. – Mike, if it wasn’t for
me, if it wasn’t for me taking her from you, you
woulda been (beep) with her. – [All] Oh! – Mic dropped, mic dropped. – Oh! – [Nicole] You look like Unabomber. – Who me? – Yeah, take that (beep) hoodie off. – Been blowing (beep)
up since I been here. – You sure have. – [Vinny] Relationships, bathrooms. – Toilets.
– Shut up, ass (beep). – You’re the worst. – No, we’re trying to tell
your (beep) to shut up. (laughs) – Me and Ronnie needs to
get a cleaning service to clean our bathroom. He’s one of the dirtiest
mother (beep) I’ve ever seen. – Bro, your (beep) room used to look like the Salvation Army. – Used to be though.
– [Pauly] Oh! – Used to be. – Oh (beep), here we go again. – Just cause Lauren packed your luggage doesn’t mean you’re
(guys drown out Ronnie). – You can’t mention Laurens. – Listen, I’m in a bad mood right now, so it’s like Mike, do not (beep) with me cause it’ll just end
up really bad for you. You might as well (beep)
name the bathroom Lauren cause she’s been cleaning
your ass how long now. – [Pauly & Vinny] Oh! – (beep) I’m be real. – As friends, it is fine,
we can call each other on the (beep), that’s fine. – Mike, I don’t know what to call you, the situation, the incarceration. – [Pauly] Damn. – The incarceration, dude, like for real? The only time I hear that is from trolls. – Mike is (beep) pissed. – (beep) the probation,
or I’m really not too sure what to call you at this point. – Wow, he went lower level on that one. – (guys drown out Vinny) You
asked for it though, Mike, you asked for it. – He did, right, you
shouldn’t have poked a bear. – [Pauly] I’m gonna call you Rike. – [Mike] Ronnie, Mike. (laughs) – (beep) idiots sometimes. – No, I was gonna tell you.
– Yeah. – I’ve never seen Jenni act
like a giddy school girl. Right now, I’m just like,
you don’t look like you have sex with guys and rip their heads off. She’s happy with him,
I was just over there spying on them real quick and she’s giggly, laughing and– – Yeah, she’ll (beep) taking (beep). – Yeah, of course. I love the fact that Jenni’s a cougar now. Roger was 10 years older and
this guy is 10 years younger. Now it’s like all right, well you go girl, you get you yours, brush them cobwebs off you.
(ding) – He was 20, four years ago.
(laughs) – She used to babysit him, I think. – He just got his driver’s license. – She’s gonna say he just
got his learner’s permit. (laughs) He had to fly with an escort.
(laughs) – With one of those
things around his neck. – Badge. with his itinerary.
(laughs) – How was your flight when
you actually got on it? – I went to sleep. – Oh you did? – Yeah, not really though, I mean, yeah, those weren’t the best seats, it’s fine. – He didn’t have to pay for a seat. (Ronnie’s laughing drowns out Vinny) – Belovanovas didn’t come. – I can’t.
– What are they called? – Ask Vinny or Ron what it would be? – Well I can’t say it if I
don’t know the (beep) name of what I’m saying. – She gives him medicine and she’s like, “Open up for the plane.”
(laughs) – When she wants something,
she bribes him with ice cream, not with sex.
(laughs) He still takes children’s Tylenol. (laughs) – She had to put baby gates in her house. (laughs) – It’s the first time
he’s not using his walker. (laughs) – What is going on? Honestly, I’m scared for
how much you’re laughing. – He needs aspirins, Jenni
has to open it for him. (laughs) – Oh, are we doing young jokes? Oh Zack, Zack, you should get in on this. They’re doing young jokes.
(laughs) I get it, like I get it. I mean, I would make fun of Zack too if I was half his size. Oh, why’d you stop?
(laughs) – I wasn’t saying anything. – Why did you stop?
(dramatic music) – Just sucks he has to see
a rated R movie with you. (laughs) – Dude, I’m not gonna
join in on this (beep). (laughs)
– Poor bastards. – I think it’s like 20 degrees
up in Jersey right now. – Oh yeah, the girls must
be freezing their butts off. – [Mike] So they must be freezing. – So happy I’m here right now. – I know they’re happy
they with their kids. – Yeah, they probably are
happy to be with their kids. – [Pauly] They’re happy
to be with their kids, but not happy about the weather, right. – Yeah.
– But you know, you can’t have your cake and
eat it too unless you’re Mike. (dramatic music) – All right bro, come at me bro. – Let the roasting begin. – Any shore house that I’ve
ever done, you’ve been an extra. – [All] Oh!
– My God! Mike’s been waiting for this day. Mike’s been waiting for this moment. – Cause he can finally but a
sentence together, that’s why. – [All] Oh! – He’s going to school,
I’m putt my backpack on. – Fire in the hole
(gun shot rings) – Please, please, similar to
that clogged toilet upstairs, you’re full of (beep).
– [All] Oh! – Hello, hello, mom, I need
you to come pick me up. Mom, I can’t take it, mom, hello. I’ma have to call you back. I’m going to school, waiting for the bus. – Wait, Mike, wait, Mike,
where’s the bus stop cause didn’t they take all your cars? – [All] Oh! – Knock out! My man Ronnie takes the win. – I’m telling you, one of these days, this roast is gonna get serious and these two are gonna fight. – We shall revisit this.