Celebrating the Spring Holidays

Hila's First Thanksgiving Dinner

Hila's First Thanksgiving Dinner



no no you can tell it's a good sauce and I've worked very long I worked very long and hard and you can tell it's a good sauce when it can slide around Oh God hey this thing independent look at this it doesn't lose shape what is it there's a puck it's a cranberry puck maybe okay hey Mon Tantus yeah people people love this people talk about like this I don't know how this became at Thanksgiving food but people love this shit how's your ear now ela it may surprise you but I spent the last week I would crushing cranberries with my toes in the bathtub I was making a jelly the disciple macaron no you can't say that you're free it's an optical illusion let's cut into it yeah now it's like a cranberry pie you see you cut off a little slice like that yeah there you go comes ready hmm oh it's beautiful dude it's mine it's my masterpiece that's my Thanksgiving mastery sealant look what I've made for you pairs of slice of your cranberry paella and just watch how it separates just oh I need to cut it up Lou be a little more thorough with my slice now listen closely to the sound guys here you look get it close get them my closer you know oh you hear that okay let's get let's see if this puck slides right off for you Oh God happy Thanksgiving to you yo up look what we've got a slice of cranberry pie mmm that's beautiful all right okay ah you do the honors doing yeah it looks horrible this is as good as it gets this cranberry sauce is as good as it gets what why three boys this thing it's cranberry that's it no she's trying to eat a tiny little thing like this that's it mmm so good you got a you know hold on this is a feast is that they I'm gigabyte phone Happy Thanksgiving – the first course mmm go for it enjoy you have to swallow it oh come on it's not that bad it's a cranberry sauce if you spit that out you just honor the memory of the 100 million Native Americans you know I got a level with you well usually people make the cranberries this is this is from a can okay I gotta level with you but the thing I said about making the cranberries in the bathtub for the past week I lied about that I never really okay I got this from a can it was 99 cents but usually people they they they crush berries in their bathtub and it's really fresh and nice but this being thing we can like real people my mom when you're she put like a whole bushel of cranberries and she crushed it in the bath no she never L sees as a candle Papa bless happy Thanksgiving – the cranberry gods god bless them let's do it ahh and so like greenie yeah it's like melee yeah that's another war inspector doesn't a terrible the texture is way worse than the flavor it melts in your mouth in the worst way possible yeah a future that means a good thing not in this case okay let's move it on to the next course now this has this recipe has been in my family for generations my great-great grandmother was actually an original on the Mayflower one of the original settlers of America and she made this same recipe on the first Thanksgiving Day this recipe has been passed down for nearly 1,000 years and I just want you to take a look this doesn't get more genuine than this guys this is real Thanksgiving stuffing and hila what an honor it is for you to have the opportunity to try this now stuffing question Lee okay now stuffing traditionally comes inside the bird yes you take a handful of croutons or bread or whatever a little spice right and you're fucking it you just shove it in that fucking bird did you like fucking take it you burped ass bitch then you cook the bird then the bird shits out the stuffing so it's got like bird shit you know I mean you cooked the bird what the stuffing is out yeah it's not there's no feces in it as far as I'm aware but it cooks inside the bird now I cannot say for certain if there are not feces in this okay I'm not God I can't say for certain I don't think there's feces in this okay so do you want to try it I guess okay so this is my grandma great-great-great grandmother's original Oh going because it was cooked inside of a turkey oh yeah oh don't worry the turkeys out there so yeah let me tell you I don't believe in killing animals so it was cooked inside of a turkey but let me just say that we found a way to keep the turkey alive after the stuffing was cooked you know what I mean that's what I'm saying I'm not sure there's no she's in there I'm not a hundred percent but because of the cooking method it's just it's hard to know for sure probably not okay Cheers is they not Happy Thanksgiving you go if you go first I want to see your genuine reaction to grandma mas grandma's original Thanksgiving stuffing it just stays pretty good huh it's pretty good she loves it she loves it there's just like a ton of since we're spiced here I'm going texture really gooey I don't get the wet bread texture yeah I never liked stuffing for that reason I don't get wet bread I'm not a wet bread guy bread it's not meant to be wet bread starts wet that's why you cook it to make it not wet it's like going back in the evolutionary chain of bread it's retro it's a retro bread let's feel you need anymore I'll give you one more try you need to eat all that a big bite I want to see a big bug Oh some penis Thanksgiving feast I'll do it too okay you need more than that take a bigger what you look just fucking in the spirit of Thanksgiving will you please do scary well that's right well Cheers happy thanks Chris don't go down easy very it's not that bad the flavor is fine but once again texture issue I think the flavor is like man Sturgess spice I'll see youse just soggy bread it's like you left a piece of bread in water overnight and then you're like fuck it did it taste like I went I'm joking a stock or something's up do you get any accents of feces maybe some you know a small accent of urine oh that's interesting I don't to check my watch have to check with the chef about that with real chicken can you see that ready in five minutes that's Thanksgiving in a box so far Thanksgiving is pretty weird I really thought you're gonna love this can of cranberry and Bob's stuffing I thought this was gonna be a giant hit yeah I guess I don't know it's wrong what I mean all right you know what my plans are bigger than this this is just the olympic real immature stages I've got like six courses for you dude okay it gets better from here so let's move it on to the next stage yellow wait here each oh thanks you got a smelly thing take a steep smell that it's Thanksgiving dinner all right no take a deep smell yeah it's Thanksgiving that is horrifying my god this is sweet potatoes that came in a can and what the fuck is this this is new territory from you know is it Thanksgiving in a can this is this is the poor man's this is not just the poor man's Thanksgiving this is the insane man's Thanksgiving either he didn't eat it is it not bad that's like yeah what's the matter you don't love Thanksgiving all right let's see what's going on here no just if you guys get a look at what that's actually on here I don't want to spill it on the floor but no that's that's not looking too appetizing how did they get sweet potatoes smell so bad I don't want to get tell me about maybe I don't eat it no you go it's like a sponge how do you get sweet potato to be not texture but it's a texture this texture is a big problem here the theme of today yeah I mean who would have thought that putting something in a can for ten years would give it a bad texture the like isn't the theme behind canning ship I mean yeah it's edible it's edible you're not gonna die from it probably here look I know it tastes bad but that's because we didn't put the topping on it most people eat sweet potatoes with gravy on top oh so I that will save this so my sister has an incredible gravy recipe yeah basically she cooks the turkey she takes all the drippings she does like she sends it off to like Indonesia they have like crazy spices there they work on it they let it you know uh I would sort of said to Indonesia you what's the word when you they they take the sauce they let it ferment for a couple of weeks its reduce yeah they reduce it like seven weeks it's unbelievable and then somehow they ship it out and this Heinz fish about this high well she works for Heinz here she works for Heinz okay she hates it there yeah mm-hmm so here's Heinz homestyle gravy straight from my sister's kitchen in Indonesia and to be honest with you it doesn't smell that bad let's check the ingredients turkey broth modified corn starch chicken fat contains 2% less of feces what about fuck they listed on the fucking label here 2% of feces and urine my god handily they list that so look let's let's not beat around the bush listen let's improve the flavor of these sweet potatoes here Oh God nice thick consistency cross and got it looks horrible you know I have a question for you what does it look like dad it looks like someone took it like a it looks like someone shit their intestines out yeah it looked like somebody like de chelly was there last shit on earth yeah I mean sometimes when your dog is sick they take shits and I cover and jelly it's like really hard that's like it's like what the fuck happened to you dog so kind of reminds me of like a jelly covered gosh then we're gonna eat so do we click it I'm gonna take a smell but let's let's exchange jelly right here we go to Thanksgiving to American traditions hmm much improved it tastes like it did before yeah this whip with it are still just no more it's so powerful you can now here take a tick swab this and take a taste I don't hail up no you're not allowed to say that today go I just did it take a swab put it in your mouth and why okay note with a foreword like a civil do it however you want just put it in your fucking mouth okay it's okay now illa once again I lied to you uh-huh you don't put gravy on sweet potatoes okay you put it on the stuffing but I forgot to break it out in time oh it's not I thought we put it on this instead but I gotta level with you to once again I don't think it would have helped the stuff I don't think you're what about a fact I think it would have made it worse because you have to eat more of the gravy with aged stuffing ela now comes your favorite part the part line that everybody loves pumpkin pie even surely you must know that pumpkin by is a Thanksgiving tradition and here I've gone far beyond above my call and Rudy you're cold as a bottle ever you the ultimate pumpkin pie now it weighs like bread okay okay dude don't be so fucking needy oh jesus here here you want a pie Gary fucking dude you're cook next time dude here's your pie okay perfect Wow two pie No thank you very good I baked this now this recipe comes far across the land from Spain around man it's 500 BC before Jesus a long time ago people were baking pumpkins real popular back then anyway hey so somehow I got that recipe and here it is okay now I may have been misled that can I thought it said pumpkin pie though I thought was a pumpkin pie me apparently it's just pumpkin so it's pot so here's pumpkin in a pie tin okay pretty close so here it is the beloved pumpkin pie and everybody loves pumpkin pie I mean this is just a time-honored tradition no I thought this was pumpkin they have a fucking pumpkin pie on the front of it I call that disingenuous marketing that's very misleading how'd you expect to get a pie in a can I don't know I thought it would at least it's like pie ready like you just put you pour it in here mm-hmm you put it in the oven for you know whatever an hour however long will cook pies and then all the sudden boom that's it it should look like that but pretty close so ela go ahead and try my masterpiece I've been slaving for hours I think you'll find that it's really good I made this really it's just pumpkin that badly all the textures so bad and the flavor and so bitter everything about it yeah it tastes like baby food guns sexual I'm gonna wrong there's something like a while there's like sand in mine guys like baby food gone wild now no once again I've been dishonest and not forthcoming with you pumpkin pie is only good if and only if you have marshmallows no faster we wait you know what's the difference did okay up in my mouth pain hmm boom come on sooner that's the guys so guys this was Thanksgiving dinner it was a lot of fun wait it wasn't as funny looking a little bit needy and whiny but overall those pre was pretty successful good accurate representation of Thanksgiving what wasn't there supposed to be meet you soon oh yeah I forgot I forgot the best part than me oh yeah okay last course the most important course the meats Ella stay here what is it exactly the filter fish has been my enemy my whole life my family actually eats and loves this shit they put my ketchup on it you know I don't know if I've ever put down a single bite of this stuff but today on this Thanksgiving ELA me and you we're gonna battle this go filter fish and our most traditional Thanksgiving meal ever I forgot the forks shoenice shoenice is real busted dad strength it's all about shoenice yeah there's a face here that's how you know it's good guys that's the first sign it sticks to the top like a poop on the side they really caught my first smell of the goo Phil's fish Sheila good yeah that smell like something I want to eat no I've often wondered what is good Phil two fish native let me should let me show with you let me show it to you before I I read off the ingredients air looks like a poop yeah it's like a white yeah why it's Pope have a look here guys that is the time-honoured go Phil two fish okay now let's see what's in here I mean nothing we don't really don't have the technology yet to pass on the smell there but it's this guy's thing water carp whitefish egg whites mullet and light a meal you Pike so what the fuck there's like every kind of fish in here yeah and then my favorite ingredient carob seed gum and of course natural flavorings it's not as formal it's like the neighbors can smell it too like damn that pussy stink boys feel like damn that pussy stank is no oh why are we doing this it's for Thanksgiving no it's time on our traditions ah oh God we need to move after this yeah this is it we're moving guys we're moving back to LA we have to move all the way across the country get rid of the smell one two three shoot us yeah you got it yeah you're gonna eat it alright let's do it shoenice the worst thing I've never seen you so quiet oh my god anyone who honestly it's thing needs to be evaluated we're gonna have to play to my mouth no it's probably healthier to put bleach in your mouth then you put this shit we need two psychiatrists lined up outside of supermarkets to evaluate people who eat this this is the first sign of mental illness when people buy this shit from the grocery store there's to be fucking red sirens at NSA headquarters to track these people down okay can we end this and go brush thank you guys so much for joining us here and spending a little bit of your Thanksgiving Day with us it's been a pleasure thank you guys for everything you do for us 400,000 subscribers is just it's honestly a miracle and on this Thanksgiving Day we have so much to give thanks to and most of all by far is having you guys a big family for us and we just love you so much so thanks coming and watching us suffer here on Thanksgiving and we hope you have a great happy Thanksgiving in remember guys to be thankful for everything you've got in your life there's got to be something and if you think you're doing suck just look at what we this is our actual Thanksgiving here fucking said that is brutal remember guys no matter how shitty your life is okay this was our actual Thanksgiving away that's better than gefilte fish whatever you're eating it's better than this so happy Thanksgiving we love you thank you for everything guys and Papa busts our heads Merida heads in reverence guys Papa bus


Reader Comments

  1. Imagine sitting by yourself in a shitty studio apartment eating this as a Thanksgiving meal while watching cable The Price is Right on an old used couch.

    Instant depression.

  2. don't they know that they have to add stuff to the food in a can and mix the canned stuff with the homemade stuff like yams and macaroni it's sad that they don't know this they're missing alot.😢

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