Celebrating the Spring Holidays

Reader Comments

  1. Thank you Dr. Ramani I am currently reading your book and it is really educating me and is helping me understand how to cope with the narcissist in my life 🙂Congratulations the Book is awesome 💜

  2. I stopped attending, although I stop by the day prior with flowers & dessert from a bakery. Works for me.👍🏽

  3. I can’t deal with the narcissists; so, I just don’t go. I felt bad, but I realized it’s from this pressure to go. I had to conform and do it, even though I could already feel myself tensing up without even being there at the table. Anyways, happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving; and if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, have a happy Thursday :0)

  4. I thought this was literally about to deal with being held hostage 😂 I thought, hope I don't ever need this, click Lol

  5. I have come to realize that it is better to start new traditions instead of perpetuating old obligatory traditions that are stressful.

  6. Where I live we don't have Thanksgiving, but I think I will use these advices on The Christmas Eve, or maybe I will not be at it at all. Thanks for this video, it helps a lot. And a part with visualization was the best 😀

  7. I've only spent three or four thanksgivings with my mother and her family in 50 years…. now that my dad and most of his family have died off, it just seems natural I would spend every holiday with my mum…… our most recent Thanksgiving was in the late 90s and that was enough for me. It's been approximately 1 years since I was able to name my mother's disorder and it has been extremely helpful to put a name to it…. thank you Doctor Romani.

  8. Congratulations for this new survival guide, it's much needed. Ths!
    Just a side note: some of us can't hit the notification bell because the phone's screen lights up and an email gets sent and someone else other then me might get informed on what and who I'm watching.

  9. My husband would always make this time of year miserable….. it was so bad that I would cry so hard It was hard to catch my breathe and the disparity would last for days. This is when I realized that when I was miserable he was happy and when I was happy he was miserable. I removed myself completely from his festivities….. like disappear.

  10. Thank you so much for timely advice! I always do the dishes when I’m with my narcissistic relatives-hate washing pots, but anything to get away..:)

  11. Happy thanksgiving Dr. R… Now having the knowledge to stay away from fake people. The best way I can live is to keep being true and genuine and not just saying it. God know's eveything that is done in the dark and he will bring it to the light. Glory to God🙏Amen God bless✌✌✌✌🙊🙉🙈

  12. If you’re a narcissist’s favorite target, your issue is that you’re sticking around. Remove yourself from the situation. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

  13. That´s Christmas to me , gets easier each year to spend it alone or with friends who are non-Christians. Took them +10 years to learn that I don´t want to come after awful 2007.

  14. hunnie…you should wanna wash platters all day and all night:) haha. love your humor and videos Beautiful Ones. xoxo www.kabbalah.com

  15. I really like the insight that you give, but every single advice you give is so passive.
    Is there really no way to deal with this more proactively than just basically avoiding interacting with them?

  16. I never spend time with my family during the holidays and not just because I don’t believe in their validity. If you want your kids to have tradition, you can always start your own traditions as opposed to exposing them to your worst relatives. You don’t have to spend your precious free time with abusers. It’s not a requirement. Create opportunities for peace in your life by mitigating the amount of chaos you tolerate.

  17. I just spent the last two weeks excited about thanksgiving, just for my narc baby daddy to ruin it this morning with his petty drama escalated to the point where he was going to punch me in the face twice. Now I’m stuck in a bad mood at 10am this thanksgiving day and wondering if I’m willing to look like the asshole to the family by canceling the plans

  18. Thank you for this! I’m at home watching this in my robe with a facial masque on.😂😂😂 I’ll definitely rely on this insight for Christmas though. Thank you, and Happy Holidays! ♥️


  20. Dr. Ramani, With this video in mind, you are part of my invited guest at my Thanksgiving table. Peace to you and all that partake of your beautiful guidance at all our tables. Take care and may you and your family be blessed and may we all remember all that are not so blessed. May we all do some good out there in remembrance of those poor souls. For after all, is that not about Thanksgiving? Let’s pay forward

  21. i know all about being held hostage at the thanksgiving day table.It happened to me three years in a row.Needles to say, I am spending this holiday all alone.HA-ha-ha.

  22. Wow, you finally explained why my BIL used to stay at a hotel and go see a movie when visiting his parents. He was trying to get a break from the madness. It makes so much sense now.

    I'd been fooled by his covert narc mother (my MIL) for decades. I almost wish I could take your advice because my FIL is elderly and not doing so well. I want to see him and I want my husband and kids to spend time with him because what if this is the last year we get with him?

    However my narc MIL has always targeted me. I have no idea why. Maybe it's my skin color, who knows? She targets my oldest child too. Thankfully we were able to move away for some time, but after many years, we moved back here.

    A couple of years ago, CNMIL got a cancer diagnosis. I was just starting to figure out that she was actually a narc. I was so afraid she'd use her dx to Hoover and sure enough, she did. She's gotten some good hits in. Even on my husband who she usually ignores.

    Last year something triggered MIL when my 11 year old auditioned for and won a solo in her ballet school's Nutcracker performance. First, MIL tried taking us down a peg by very excitedly asking on social media if my daughter was dancing in the big professional production held in town every year. Saying very dramatically, "Oh! Welllll, that's okay!" when it wasn't. Then MIL hyped it up for months demanding to know details etc. I shared the specifics with her immediately because I believed she was being genuine. I should have known better but the ILs had made it to my girls' previous performance for the first time ever so I thought maybe they were actually changing for the better. Wrong.

    My daughter was so excited that her grandparents were actually coming to see her dance. Normally, the ILs only go to Golden Child's kid's events. My kids are usually ignored. My daughter worked so hard, practicing for hours at home, above and beyond her rehearsals at class. She wanted so badly for her grandparents to see how she had poured everything she had into being one of the best dancers on that stage.

    So, MIL waited until Thanksgiving, a little more than a week before the performance to drop her little bomb: MIL waited until dinner was over and everyone had scattered so there were fewer witnesses. She made a huge circle to go out of her way to avoid me and DH and she pulled our daughter aside to tell her that the stress and strain of the cancer treatments had forced her and FIL to have to go on a cruise on the day of my daughter's performance. Nothing like being dropped like a hot potato by your grandparents to make you feel worthless. This was no once in a lifetime opportunity either. My ILs go on a cruise about every other year. MIL then started picking on my child every time she thought we weren't looking. If that child was well surrounded, she'd pick on my 6 year old.

    My husband actually thinks these were not attacks and that MIL didn't do it on purpose.

    She knew the details of the performance since the summer. There's no way it was not done on purpose! She's hit me with sneak attacks for decades. I know her all too well.

    We play this stupid game every year: MIL sets her covert traps, DH runs off to talk to his dad so he doesn't have to see or hear any of it. I'm stuck alone trying to defend my kids and myself from MIL. We get home, I'm upset about what happened, we discuss it and he promises to help me next time, saying we'll limit contact. The following year rolls around and he suddenly has amnesia. We fight and argue because he won't defend us. Again. And around and around it goes.

    We are definitely hostages and I'm so sick of it. I'm actually happy that we have a stomach virus this year because it means we don't have to do that mess this year. I just pray my two adult daughters who went are okay, particularly my oldest, who is a favorite target of the narc.

  23. My stepmother many years ago… is so much a narc and a rager…13 people around the table did not speak at a Thanksgiving dinner…not a peep! I'm not even kidding..because of the Mood she was in…everybody was on edge…that is the power she had…

  24. How’s this. ~ I don’t go!!!

    Checkmate and enjoy your shitty time.

    I know this is not possible for everyone ~ but Narcs aren’t breaking bread with me. Not ever again. It’s a day and it ain’t worth it ……. there are 365 a year.

    They can do without me ….. and I can do without them
    Thanks Dr Ramani!! Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

  25. -True North is passing with good social people now; Mom & Brother Will not be bothered.
    -Zen dishwashing.
    -Mom separates family members like her mother. -Brother is Psycho-killer and nasty with gaslighting.
    -Go for the walk, say you are sick; overeat and vomit, shite on the floor and run out with apologies.

  26. How to deal with being held hostage at the THANKSGIVING table? Cut off all communication, sever all ties the previous summer…Happy Thanksgiving everyone:–).

  27. 😍😍😍😍😍 and better yet… instead of thinking about a turquoise beach… just spend the day and the evening at an actual turquoise beach… maybe with loved ones too… but that's gotta be so much better and more fun than self-torture at Thanksgivings dinner table… then next morning, enjoy fun shopping experience. ☺️

  28. I wonder if Dr. Ramani has her own narcissist family members and/or relatives watching this show… aha… maybe those consistent eight thumbs down votes are from them. 😂❤️😂❤️😂

  29. I am so blessed, my mom and dad refrain from inviting any narcissists to Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgiving is like a sanctuary. Which I know is very unusual when I hear friends speak of their Thanksgivings. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving despite the narcissists.

  30. This is really good Dr. R but I am so depressed and traumatized by the narcs in my life I can't even get to the table. I feel like a terrible person and a failure. I can't handle the holiday. I can't fake it anymore. I'm so tired.

  31. My father always has to be the one talking at the table and everyone has to listen and agree. If you speak up and have another opinion he’ll relish getting into an argument. I’m always wanting to defend myself or others and I get such a sense of powerlessness sitting there. It makes me feel so horrible. Great advice thank you. I’ll focus on my children on the night(as he never gives them attention) and keep facing true north!

  32. My father is what my mother calls 'Teflon man'. Nothing his mother ever said could ruffle his feathers. And that pissed his mother off.

  33. Dr Ramani,

    If someone is having that much anxiety and distress during a holiday event, why would you not first recommend that they simply not go? Stay home with the kids, invite just a few folks they actually want to see over?

    Love your videos!

  34. 🇩🇰🎄💜 fantastic video, but please stop the music in the background 🙏
    Thanks for the video Dr. Ramani… you are the best !!!

  35. Thanksgiving was originally a harvest festival somewhere in the British Isles. In North America it was first celebrated in Canada, not in the U.S. and not by Pilgrims. The U.S. holds it in November, while Canada holds it in October (just after the harvest season.) I don't know how Thanksgiving was convoluted in the U.S. to its present date and mythology, but no, it is older than the Mayflower, and was not original to New England.

  36. Well doc. Thanks for the pep talk. No reaction. Stayes cool. They provoked to no option but violence and I stayed frosty. When you don't give a shit about looking cool in front of people they can't deal narcissistic injury by winning competitions. In fact letting them win takes all care out. Thx and night 😃😃😃👍

  37. Darn, I wish I would have watched this video b4 attending Thanksgiving dinner!🤪🤯But will keep all these pointers for my other dinner tomorrow and Xmas gathering. Thanks Dr. Ramani, like always your wealth of information helps me learn and let's me stay focus and centered through my navigating with Narcs or unhealthy people in my life. Thank you 😊! Happy holidays!

  38. A human devil idea of greatness is playing mind games to their victims. The more irritation and unstable we become the more supply for the narcissist. Choose before to refuse to play their game and we have won our dignity. The game I will play is tag. Dr. Ramani your IT. JOKE. JOKE. We are thankful of giving your time and energy for us.

  39. I like how you mentioned that narcissists can be anywhere on the political spectrum. That can be surprising sometimes.

  40. I hate that football has to be on. Turn the damn TV off, already. I don't know any of these people on any team, being paid outrageous money to play a game. At least they had the volume turned down.

  41. I'm not even sticking around anymore but she still manage to target me through our common friends and family. And I let that get to me. Thanks for this talk Dr. R. it certainly helps a lot!

  42. Thank you doctor Ramani! This is great encouragement. Your support is a blessing. I hope you had a wonderful thanks giving.

  43. Great Advice.. However? I Miss The Cleavage… YEAH I SAID IT!!! 😁😁😁😁😆😆😆😆😆😎😎😎😎😎 Just Kidding.. You Guys Have A Safe And Healthy Holiday Season… Jus Sayin.. Yep…

  44. What can I do when while we are eating, a narc comments in front of the family that 'You have put on weight', while I clearly shed 20 pounds…and it is visible as well? I wanna give him one nice sentence which will never make him say that again…This has been his sentence since long, but I chose to ignore it thinking he will stop when I ignore, but no…now that I really have lost weight, he's at it, and when he says that in front of everyone I feel hurt…and within 1 second I feel all my efforts went into vain, and that what I have lost is not true…Imagine doubting myself when I know it isn't true..

  45. Wow thank you so much. You've explained exactly how I feel every Thanksgiving since I could remember. Yesterday was the first Thanksgiving that I left early. I left early to go with see my boyfriend's family who is visiting from another state. My mother made it clear she was mad at my boyfriend and I for leaving early. But my boyfriend spends every Thanksgiving with us. The one time he wanted to see his family my mom makes it all about her. Even though we ate dinner with my family. She gave me the silent treatment this morning. But it's ok cause yesterday was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had

  46. Liberals and Conservatives are the same thing. They are just spelled differently. You'd be hard pressed to meet either one of them who isn't a narcissist, a twit or both.

  47. Dr. Ramani: "You can use the warm water on your hands to sooth yourself when washing dishes."
    Narcissist: "You underestimate my power…"

    Narcissists are GREAT at criticizing how you do dishes.

  48. So many good tips! Remember to notice any unrealistic expectations about the narcissist. Narcissists are equal opportunity offenders, and if they have favored targets, and if YOU are a narcissists favored target, you likely are activating some element of insecurity in them –don’t personalize it. Such good advice. Thank you Dr Ramani.

  49. This was incredibly helpful. My narcissist isn't my dad but my dad does tend to bait me politically and these tools are going to help me during those moments.

  50. Tbvh… this is my everyday life with my family. T_T it took me years to know what to do but sometimes it still kind of get to me…..
    I changed my focus on my idols, but one of them died last month so my head and heart is confused again…..and very sad.
    I will try this visualization….. Thank you Doctor Ramani. <3

  51. We had a blessed quiet holiday this Thanksgiving. Mom just told siblings to drop off the food and leave. Best thing ever!

    Last holiday season was a bit toxic for the first time. My was brother super rude to us sisters. What a shame….

    Maybe we could do this from Christmas too. It'd be a lot better than just sitting around together.

    I like to sit in my room, eat and relax since last year anyway.

    Do any of you have the option to tell your family to drop off food and leave or just retreat to your room and eat?

  52. Loved this video!! You consistently convey information in a way that is understandable and relatable, so thank you for that. I especially can relate to the part where you talk about helping with the kids or the dishes. That's always been me since I was younger. However, the most uncomfortable experience was when the hostess was the narcissist. She got angry with me for offering to help do the dishes and clean up. I hung out with her family often, but am not always good with small talk at parties so I do things to get away from mingling, lol. She'd privately tell me how she's a grown ass woman, so she didn't need anyone's help with the dishes or cleaning up. However, publicly she needed to be seen as the one who did ALL the cooking and ALL the cleaning so that she could then cry and scream about how SHE has to do everything around here, with no one bothering to help her cook or clean. She did this at many events. I stopped offering assistance when I recognized the game that was being played. I figured it was enough to contribute by bringing over food, beverages, and/or toys/games to keep the kids occupied during these Holiday/birthday events instead and just stayed out of her way. Eventually, I stopped going over to their house all together. Too much drama.

  53. Its sad that you have to sit back switch off and not allow your self to respond,im effect your saying let them win the game of chess and they will never know you win by not being sucked in, so we battle our ego to not get sucked in, I too am sick of big brother bigging himself up and his mates how great his life is unlike ours, some time getting drawn inand then walking awake feels good lol , and why should we sympathize with his damage self when we al lpay a bigger price, I wil try to walk away but 57 years of it I do bite but I win as soon as he gets nasty I know I win,

  54. My Mother went away with a bunch of other bitches/nurses for thanksgiving (yeah, they are all the same) Soooo I’ve made a delicious dinner for my sister and nephews and we had the greatest night. Didn’t missed her a bit

  55. Doc Ramani you have some Narcissistic behavior. You just let people start talking so you can base your judgement upon them. You have bad traits that you conceal very well that you don't want to come out. True?

  56. “The Narcissist in your life is so damaged that they have to go with you.”
    Your mind offers you a place of power.

  57. i wouldnt call my parents narcissists psychopaths is a much better describtion. unfortunately in comparison to others they r even quiete normal.

  58. Narcissism isn’t funny or to be joked at,…with,…or about,….its real, and really destructive,….I say if your can in good conscience “joke about it”’….your simply processing narcissistic traits low on the behaviors scale. If the only time a human who is not self-realized or has mental and emotional disturbances can have a five course meal with families, I propose a non affiliated day for a intervention or boundaries being drawn with legal intervention be done. No need to give a messed up soul a out by delivering a protective Otto them at work church Or a family or faith or work based function. Meth is a game changer along with bath salts and flakka. ADHD amphetamines and zanax, create meth like havoc unless the patient is closely monitored. Gray rock is for narcissists who are not full blown and unchecked.

  59. What a lot of people don't understand is that when you come to these realizations, it's way more intense when the narc is your parent. What could be more of a mind job than a life which began with gaslighting?

  60. I just started watching your channel cause my gma, and it seems like eveyone has at least some of these behavior patterns, including myself.

  61. Nope. Thanksgiving is a thanksgiving alone!!! There is no way any Thanksgiving with nac's are fun! I am sorry but let them clean their own dishes !

  62. Que triste celebración..no?
    "Oficialmente" hay que hacerlo pero…"estar" no es igual que "Ser"…
    Ser es lo que queremos de verdad y nos hace bien al corazón..Estar es lo que tenemos marcado por dentro en el corazón "oficial bondadoso.." 😉 oséa…lo que nos hace bien es perfecto y bonito pero no aceptable socialmente y en resumen…lo que nos molestará ( que ya conocemos..) será bueno porque así es aceptado en nuestro entorno y en nosotros mismos, oséa una piedra más a cargar…( una mierda más otro año más..)

    Gracias y abrazo infinito para [email protected]! :*

  63. Not all families are huge you know . It may be that the narc is the main person in the event. So being vague with them or just being polite is not possible. My narc is centre stage.

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