Celebrating the Spring Holidays

Weekend Update: Al Franken and Jeff Sessions – SNL

Weekend Update: Al Franken and Jeff Sessions – SNL


>>>MINNESOTA SENATOR AL FRANKEN
HAS ACCUSED ATTORNEY GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS OF HAVING
PRESSURED HIM AND PERJURED HIMSELF DURING SENATE TESTIMONY
IN RESPONSE TO A QUESTION FRANKEN HIMSELF ASKED.
HERE WITH A FOLLOW UP Q & A ARE SENATOR FRANKEN AND ATTORNEY
GENERAL JEFF SESSIONS.>>HELLO, HELLO.
>>IT’S GREAT TO SEE YOU GUYS.>>WELL, IT’S SO GREAT TO BE
HERE. ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU,
AL.>>THE PLEASURE IS MINE.
THIS ORDEAL HAS BEEN FUN FOR EVERYONE.
>>OH, MY.>>I’M SURPRISED TO SEE YOU TWO
HERE TOGETHER.>>WELL, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE DON’T
REALIZE THIS, BUT AL AND I ARE ACTUALLY GREAT FRIENDS.
>>THAT’S OVERSTATING IT.>>I ONCE TOOK AL WHITEWATER
RAFTING ON THE CHATTAHOOCHEE RIVER AND AL SHOWED ME JEW
STUFF.>>WE HAD LUNCH AT A DELI, JEFF.
>>YEAH. HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SAY
“SCHMEAR.” SCHMEAR!
I’D NEVER SEEN BALLS IN A SOUP BEFORE.
>>YEAH. THEY WERE MATZAH BALLS, JEFF.
>>WELL, YOU KNOW ME. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
AND SPEAKING OF QUESTIONS, IT IS TRUE YOU CAUGHT OLD BR’ER
SESSIONS IN THE LIAR PATCH AGAIN.
AND I’M POWERFUL SORRY. SO MAY I CORRECT THE RECORD?
>>OKAY. WELL, CAN YOU PLACE YOUR HAND ON
THE BIBLE, PLEASE?>>OF COURSE.
LET’S RODEO, PARTNER.>>MR. SESSIONS, IT APPEARS
YOU’VE PLACED A HALLOWEEN-TYPE PROP IN PLACE OF YOUR ACTUAL
HAND.>>WELL, YOU DID NOT SPECIFY MY
BIOLOGICAL HAND, SENATOR FRANKEN.
THIS IS MY ORPHAN HAND. I’M A DANGER TO THE COUNTRY.
>>OKAY. COULD YOU PLEASE PLACE YOUR
NORMAL HUMAN HAND ON THE BIBLE?>>OH, YOU’RE A TRICKY RACCOON,
SENATOR. ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT ME THERE. BUT THEN I’M JUST A SIMPLE
COUNTRY LIAR.>>ARE YOU SAYING “LAWYER” OR
“LIAR.”>>WHAT’S THAT?
I’M SORRY. THESE EARS ARE JUST DECORATIVE.
>>OKAY. PUT HER THERE.
>>ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT
THE TRUTH, SO HELP YOU GOD?>>ALABABY.
>>EXCUSE ME?>>THAT’S AN ALABAMA MAYBE.
>>OH, MY.>>OR A BABY DRESSED UP LIKE
ALLADIN. NOT THAT HE’D BE “ALLADIN” THE
COUNTRY.>>IT’S A TRAVEL BAN — AND I
HELPED!>>MR. SESSIONS, WHY DO YOU DENY
MEETING WITH RUSSIAN OFFICIALS WHEN YOU HAD MET WITH THE
RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR TWICE?>>WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS ALL
DISTRACTED. I WAS TRYING TO EVADE THESE
DASTARDLY ACCUSATIONS OF BEING A RACIST, WHICH I AM NOT.
WHERE I LIVE, RACISM IS SIMPLY PART OF THE LANDSCAPE.
>>WHERE DO YOU LIVE?>>THE 1950s.
>>I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WERE CONFIRMED.
>>ME NEITHER. WHAT CAN I SAY?
I AM VERY SCARY.>>AL FRANKEN AND JEFF SESSIONS,
EVERYONE. [ APPLAUSE ]


Reader Comments

  1. Sessions said his ears are just "decorative",I'm gonna try to use that line on some of my Sr citizen friends

  2. Al Franken is still a stand up comic he just gets paid more with more benefits courtesy of the American tax payer.

  3. Kate makes Jeff adorable. Good skit. Good enough to keep both Jeff and Al going. Without Melissa, Sean Spicer wouldn't be so popular now. Go Kate.

  4. This is so cool! I live in Chattahoochee county. I’ve actually gone whitewater rafting on the Chattahoochee river.

  5. I'm pretty sure there's a large number of younger people who totally missed the irony of someone pretending to be Al Franken on Saturday night live.

  6. Photo: Journalist Leann Tweeden Accuses Sen. Al Franken of Fondling, Kissing Her Without Consent
    http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2017/11/16/breaking-journalist-accuses-senator-al-franken-of-fondling-her-photographic-proof/
    John Nolte 16 November 2017

    Leeann Tweeden, a journalist who anchors the morning news at TalkRadio 790 KABC in Los Angeles, California, is accusing Senator Al Franken (D-MN) of fondling her while asleep and shoving his tongue down her throat without her consent.

    At the time, December of 2006, Tweeden had a boyfriend (who is now her husband) and was on a two week USO Tour with the then-55-year-old Franken and others. Included in her article is a photograph that clearly shows the Democrat Senator grabbing her breasts while she is asleep.

    According to Tweeden, the unwanted kiss occurred during rehearsal for a USO skit. She believes Franken (who was married) intentionally wrote a skit for the two of them so he would have an excuse to kiss her, something she did not want to do. She says that Franken insisted they rehearse until it got uncomfortable and she relented. This is when she alleges he “aggressively” shoved his tongue in her mouth:

    He repeated that actors really need to rehearse everything and that we must practice the kiss. I said ‘OK’ so he would stop badgering me. We did the line leading up to the kiss and then he came at me, put his hand on the back of my head, mashed his lips against mine and aggressively stuck his tongue in my mouth.

    I immediately pushed him away with both of my hands against his chest and told him if he ever did that to me again I wouldn’t be so nice about it the next time.

    I walked away. All I could think about was getting to a bathroom as fast as possible to rinse the taste of him out of my mouth.

    I felt disgusted and violated.

    During the actual performance of the skit, she says she turned her head so that Franken could not kiss her and then avoided him as much as possible for the rest of the tour. It was at this point, Tweeden claims, that the rebuffed Franken became vindictive. “Franken repaid me with petty insults, including drawing devil horns on at least one of the headshots I was autographing for the troops.”

    The ultimate act of apparent vindictiveness occurred while she was asleep on the flight home:

    The tour wrapped and on Christmas Eve we began the 36-hour trip home to L.A. After 2 weeks of grueling travel and performing I was exhausted. When our C-17 cargo plane took off from Afghanistan I immediately fell asleep, even though I was still wearing my flak vest and Kevlar helmet.

    It wasn’t until I was back in the US and looking through the CD of photos we were given by the photographer that I saw this one [the photograph above.]

    Tweeden says the discovery of the photograph made her feel “violated all over again. Embarrassed. Belittled. Humiliated.”

    “I couldn’t believe it. He groped me, without my consent, while I was asleep,” she writes, adding, “How dare anyone grab my breasts like this and think it’s funny?”

    Franken, who has been married since 1975, was elected to the United States Senate in 2008.

    UPDATE:

    I've already heard about a second Al Franken victim.

    — Phil Kerpen (@kerpen) November 16, 2017

    UPDATE: Franken released a statement where he questions the alleged-victim’s interpretation of events and verifies that the photo is real.”As to the photo,” he writes, “it was clearly meant to be funny but wasn’t.”

    Any fair reading of Tweeden’s side of the story would interpret Franken taking that photo as an act of hostility and vindictiveness, a desire to humiliate her after she refused to kiss him. The full statement is below:

    NEW Stmt from @SenFranken: “I certainly don’t remember the rehearsal for the skit in the same way, but I send my sincerest apologies to Leeann.”

    Says he “shouldn’t have done” the picture. pic.twitter.com/cJ0avgDroM

    — Frank Thorp V (@frankthorp) November 16, 2017

  7. Hilarious Irony this perv is headed to PRISON. I want this skit redone where franken forces a french kiss on a suprised Sessions. yeah……….

  8. I don't watch SNL but stumbled on this video and OMG Kate McKinnon is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's so talented! Whoa! 🙂

  9. What a damn waste of a great impression of the Senator… AL Franken. Just portraying him as boring and uptight does not represent this particular politician… AL Franken. And, Jeff sessions may be a funny character but, there was another great character up there, Minnesota legislator… AL Franken. So get your act together SNL and try not to waste a bit about your former alumni… AL Franken.

  10. Democratic propaganda . The comments show how sheepish society is. You buy a tv, simply to be brainwashed! ….'All in the name of free Shit.

  11. I would LOVE to see a follow-up to this skit now that Stewart Smally is being investigated. They can both lie/deny/misremember their respective accusations. All politicians suck out loud…

  12. I remember when this show was funny. It's descended into a toxic mix of social justice propaganda and cultural Marxism. Fuck you, Lorne

  13. SNL should do a skit with Al Franken and John Belushi characters habbin a waitress sandwiches like Chris Dodd and Ted Kennedy did. That's no way to speak of the dead. Franken said he gave up drugs because Belushi OD'd. Well tell me this…if John died of AIDS would Al have given up putting his tongue down women's throats?

  14. Truth be told that fat Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak was probably part of Obama's plan to trigger FISA warrents for Trump Tower/candidate Trump and team. That bastard Obama is the one who should be investigated for what he did to unmask over 400 people as the election got closer. He thought The Whore of Babylon & Russian payola (see: chapter 2 of Clinton Cash) who sold her soul to Allah…would be king.

  15. I been thinking about Franklin was hard on sessions ok. Next thing we know people suddenly women come out of the woodwork with sexual accusations put 2 and 2 together

  16. If the real Jeff Sessions was as adorable as Kate, he might be able to pull some of his bullshit off. He'd make it 'cute' to be a racist.

  17. I am a mexican that has been here for a couple of years, I really admire Kate, she's undoubtedly one of the best talents I've ever seen, and on top of it all…she's so fricking hot…muy caliente!!!!😉

  18. Whatever happened to Al Franken anyway????
    They showed that pic of him pretending to grab that chicks boobs when she was sleeping and he resigned from the senate never to be seen or herd from again. What happened to him?????????
    In surprised trump hasn't picked him to switch sides and become his acting……. whatever job is open at the time Secretary!!

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