Celebrating the Spring Holidays

Weekend Update on Trumpcare – SNL

Weekend Update on Trumpcare – SNL


♪♪♪
>>Announcer: IT’S “WEEKEND UPDATE” WITH COLIN JOST
AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WHAT’S UP, EVERYBODY?>>WELCOME TO “WEEKEND UPDATE.”
I’M COLIN JOST.>>I’M MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>>WELL, THIS WEEK REPUBLICANS
MADE THEIR BEST EFFORT TO UNITE THE COUNTRY BY PRESENTING A NEW
HEALTH CARE PLAN THAT EVERYBODY COULD HATE TOGETHER.
DEMOCRATS ARE UPSET BECAUSE A LOT OF POOR PEOPLE COULD LOSE
THEIR COVERAGE. CONSERVATIVES ARE UPSET BECAUSE
IT DOESN’T REPEAL OBAMACARE ENOUGH.
I’M UPSET BECAUSE IT STILL DOESN’T COVER MEDICINAL COCAINE
AND I’VE GOT A SCREENPLAY TO FINISH.
I SPENT THE MONEY.>>>THE WHITE HOUSE IS
OFFICIALLY CALLING THE BILL THE AMERICAN HEALTH CARE ACT AND
NOT AS MANY PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA HAVE BEEN CALLING IT, TRUMPCARE.
OR AS THEY PROBABLY SHOULD BE CALLING IT, DON’T CARE.
ARE YOU OLD, POOR AND LOSING YOUR COVERAGE?
DON’T CARE. HOW BAD DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO
BE FOR TRUMP NOT TO WANT HIS NAME ON IT?
THIS GUY ONCE PUT HIS NAME ON A PONZI SCHEME.
FOR THIS HE’S LIKE, I DON’T WANT TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT.
THAT WOULD BE LIKE IF KANYE’S NEXT ALBUM WAS CALLED “BUT
ENOUGH ABOUT ME.”>>>IT WAS ESTIMATED THE
REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN GIVES A $400 BILLION TAX BREAK TO THE
RICH. WHILE THE POOR WILL RECEIVE A
BOX OF GENERIC BAND AIDS AND A TRAVEL SIZE BOTTLE OF AIRBORNE.
>>>THE REPUBLICAN PLAN TO REPLACE OBAMACARE WOULD CUT
FUNDING TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD. SO YOU MIGHT NOT GET TO KEEP
YOUR HEALTH CARE, BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP SOMETHING ELSE.
>>>SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE PAUL RYAN GAVE CONGRESS A
POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE BILL.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS “TRUST ME ABOUT THE FUTURE” LIKE
POWERPOINT. UNFORTUNATELY HE CLICKED ONE
SLIDE TOO FAR AND IT GOT INTO WORKOUT TIPS.
>>>REPRESENTATIVE JASON CHAFFETZ DEFENDED THE COST
OF THE NEW HEALTHCARE BILL SAYING IF POOR PEOPLE WANT
INSURANCE THEY WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HEALTHCARE AND
THAT NEW iPHONE. WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EVEN KNOW WHEN YOU NEED A DOCTOR IF
YOU DON’T HAVE AN iPHONE TO FACETIME YOUR JUNK TO COLIN AND
ASK, HEY, MAN, YOU EVER GET THIS BEFORE?
>>I GAVE YOU A FAKE NUMBER.>>>PRESIDENT TRUMP INTRODUCED
HIS REVISED TRAVEL BAN THIS WEEK.
IT’S PROBABLY NOT GREAT. IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF BROWN COLOR
SWATCHES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>THE NEW TRAVEL BAN WILL GO INTO EFFECT ON MARCH 16th.
AND THEN ON MARCH 17th WE SHOWCASE THE TYPE OF UPSTANDING
IMMIGRANTS THIS COUNTRY WANTS.>>WIKILEAKS RELEASED DOCUMENTS
SAYING THE CIA CAN HACK INTO PERSONAL DEVICES TO SPY ON
PEOPLE. NOW THIS IS WHY I’M GLAD I HAVE
BLACK GRANDPARENTS. THEY TOLD ME THE CIA WAS
RECORDING EVERYTHING YEARS AGO. ONE TIME I BOUGHT HIM A
UNIVERSAL REMOTE. HE SMASHED IT WITH A DRESS SHOE
AND SAID, BOY, DON’T YOU KNOW THAT’S HOW THEY GOT DR. KING?
>>>PRESIDENT TRUMP, ALSO THIS WEEK, SURPRISED A GROUP OF
CHILDREN ON A TOUR OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. [ SCREAMING ]
>>HE JUST POPPED OUT LIKE A MONSTER ON “SCOOBY-DOO.”
WAS HE TRYING TO SCARE THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM A TREASURE?
SPEAKING OF SCOOBY-DOO, I THINK THE EYES ARE MOVING IN THAT
PAINTING BEHIND HIM. CAN WE ALSO JUST TURN UP THE
AUDIO AND HEAR THE KIDS’ REACTION TO TRUMP?
CAN WE HEAR THAT? [ SCREAMING ]
>>NOTHING SAYS “MY PRESIDENCY IS GOING WELL” LIKE THE SCREAMS
OF CHILDREN. I THOUGHT THE WEIRDEST PART WAS
AT THE VERY END WHEN TRUMP SAID “NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU KIDS WANTS
TO BE THE NEW U.S. ATTORNEY IN NEW YORK?


Reader Comments

  1. Thanks to Obama I was forced to obtain healthcare or else I would've had to pay a fine….thanks sick people.

  2. Liberals would neeeever slander immigrants of colour,but the Irish stereotype is fair game🙄 The trashiness of St.Patricks Day and getting drunk is an American creation.

  3. As a Trump supporter (I guess) I didn't really have a problem with this.
    I felt it to be pretty fair and somewhat funny.

    Not that it matters.

  4. I can't wait to see the fallout next election from the Republicans going out of their way to attempt to fuck over most of America for the rich

  5. It should really be called Republicare, because if it fails they will just blame trump for it, even though all of them are under one roof.

  6. Hahaha. "Nothing says my presidency is going well like the screams of children." This is the best Weekend Update so far. 🙂

  7. honestly if we call it trumpcare that'll be enough for me. only reason i ever wanted it repealed is cause its called obamacare and because of that it SUCKS. trumpcare rolls off tongue and so much bester .

  8. Repeal and do not replace government healthcare. Just legalize marijuana and tax it. Mandate each state use the marijuana tax money to fund the unemployed who are trying to find or retrain into another job. Those who cannot qualify for healthcare because of a medical condition and are working could tap into the marijuana taxes to help them pay for their higher insurance premiums. Allow young people to pay into the insurance system in a manner that if they do pay into it early, 3 percent of their premium payment would go directly into a tax-deferred thrift savings plan (which is invested by the Department of Defense (DOD). After 20 or so years the young people who on the average will be putting away $60 a month will have a lot of money wisely invested. DOD Thrift savings plan do real well in managing its G-funds. This will give the young people an incentive to invest in their health and also invest into a solid tax-deferred savings plan that has done extremely well in serving veterans. If doctors want to get in on the act to lower healthcare insurance premiums they could be given the option to care for the elderly and poor as charity cases, with a twist. If 25 percent of their clientele make up are charity cases then 75 percent of their wages are exempt from taxation. This would allow the poor to be treated in a humane manner and the doctors get a huge incentive. This 75 percent could also apply to their costs of setting up their medical clinic with specialized equipment. If they need specialized equipment allow the doctor to purchase the equipment at a 75 percent reduction in price and the company that sells the equipment to the doctor can write off the expense when they are taxed. Those doctors willing to take on the poor and elderly should be treated as heroes. We need doctors that care, but also doctors that can make a decent living by aiding the poor and elderly. Doctors could also drive down the costs of drugs for their patients if they formed co-ops. In other words why are we making this SHIT so painful for everyone?

  9. god these guys wouldn't know how to deliver a punchline if their lives depended on it. Their voices are soooo monotone. SNL has been getting so much better but this is the sketch where average jokes go to die

  10. Jesus, if I was in the WH and Trump popped out in front of me like that, my first instinct would be to judo chop his Cheeto face. Stranger danger!

  11. Wait.. I literally stopped listening after "Kanye titles album 'But Enough About Me'".. CAN YOU IMAGINE YE DID THAT AND DROPPED NOTHING BUT BANGER ON THAT BITCH?!?! #AMAZING #PLATINUM1STWEEK !! #ThanksSNL #GLEEECE

  12. "though its probably not great that its just a bunch a different brown color swatches" Lmao had me dying! fuck trump

  13. Пидорасы ютубовские, уберите это и подобное говно из рунета!

  14. I see SNL is still upset about President Trump winning. SNL is boring now. I unsubscibe like 7 mill others lol getting sad

  15. Trump University was just an ordinary education scam.
    Donald Trump's “American Communications Network” was his Ponzi scheme

  16. When reading comments on YouTube videos, always be aware that you could be reading the words of a paid political commenter, who is attempting to influence your political views. Replying to a paid commenter is a complete waste of your time.

  17. Didn't anybody notice who the subject of that painting was? I think she should haunt the White House and scare Trump into resigning, along with Pence. I'd be fine with four years of Ryan, but Trump and Pence are awful.

    (For anybody who's about to say I'm a liberal snowflake, I'm centrist politically.)

  18. If Trump popped out while kids from my school were touring the white house he'd probably get a lot wfts and blank stares

  19. May u remind all of u that Hillary was winning in all the polls so there are two options, 1: Hillary's emails brought her down and trump won or, 2: Donald got help and hacked his way to president. There r no instances in which Trump won on his own srry DJ Trump

  20. Repub Democrat same thing. What's funnier than this skit is the politicians that voted for the disastrous Obama don't care bill, was they are all self exempt. But yeah, democrats are for the people. Piss off.

  21. I like that Jason Chapstickitz…he reminds me of a little inbred piglet that I raised on my inbred farm that ended up killing and eatin' my entire family… including my prized Bengal kittycat that was the primary income source of our entire family…fuck a everything

  22. Wouldn’t it be funnier if you made fun of both sides and not just bash republicans? Like, the left is just as idiotic (If not more) so why act like they are the reasonable ones.

  23. I don't dislike trump or like him but I think they shouldn't really have a strong opinion on trump because it just fuels and divides america

  24. I'm a Trump supporter and I love Che and Jost. I also love their Eric and Don Jr. and Sean Spicer skits.

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